There are few people who truly hold the title of National Treasure (and even fewer now that half of the originals have been Yewtree-d), but breakfast TV favourite, fitness guru and everyone’s favourite spandex-wearing 60-something year old Mr Motivator is one of them.
In recent years, Mr M has become something of a perennial festival favourite, popping up in the brunch slot to blast away the field’s collective hangovers through the sheer power of positivity and hand claps.
But what, we ask, does he make of the other artists on the bill? Is he a new music connoisseur? Does he even care? He shakes his head. “I haven’t even looked at who’s playing”. Let’s begin.
Superfood - ‘I Can’t See’
“Yeah, I can listen to that. Superfood are pretty hot. I can see myself with my young lady in the corner now - I say young, she’s actually 60. We’re in the corner, and I’m grooving with her, whispering sweet nothings in her ear. Oh yeah. Oh man. This is my kind of thing. The lights are getting darker. Oh yes.”
LIFE - ‘Popular Music’
“Now, if I lived in Hull, this would be the kind of music I would be listening to. This would be my protection music. This is the kind of music I’d need when I go out at 9:30 in the evening, just to make sure the grannies aren’t going to come out and attack me. I listened to the head banging stuff back in the day, but I was never geared up to be a punk. I thought about the tattoos and the piercings, but no - it didn’t work for me.”
Verdict: Semi-motivational in a combat situation
The Big Moon - ‘Cupid’
“They’re good. This is nice and slow, the kind of thing you listen to on a Sunday afternoon when the kids have gone out to play and you’re sitting there, thinking of how good they are and how lovely they are. And then you put this on, and it reminds you that love keeps you alive.”
Verdict: Very motivational
Crows - ‘Pray’
“You know, the wonderful thing about music is that music is for everyone and we’ve all got different lives… This can suit certain people out there. Who maybe have a hearing problem.”
Verdict: Un-motivational :(
The Libertines - ‘Time For Heroes’
“I thoughts Libertines was a sweet, I didn’t realise they were a band… Oh, this is Pete Doherty’s band? I can see why he left them to go on to greater things. Maybe this music is a good launching pad for people? I’m sure there are many people, especially at this wonderful Truck Festival, who would love it.”
Verdict: Sort of motivational, but only if you’re Pete Doherty and can now go on to, ahem, “greater things”