Eagulls Post Angry Open Letter To ‘Beach Bands’ That ‘Dress Like A Disney Character’

‘You do not surf. You are not gnarly. Stop saying dude, rad, bro… Shut your rich mouths.’



Leeds five-piece Eagulls write songs that suggest they might well be slightly angry people. Tracks like ‘Possessed’ and ‘Council Flat Blues’ have lyrics spat with a certain visceral angst that make me think you probably wouldn’t want to get on the wrong side of them. Well, I wouldn’t at least, but then I weigh less than 10 stone and went to grammar school.

Still, judging from the open letter posted on the band’s blog this afternoon, getting in their bad books probably isn’t the most sensible of ideas. If you’re in a ‘beach band’ and ‘dress like a Disney character’ that is.

‘TO ALL BEACH BANDS SUCKING EACH OTHERS DICKS AND RUBBING THE PRESS’ CLITS. I AM GOING TO CUT YOUR HAIR CLEAN OFF,’ begins the letter.

‘WITHOUT YOUR 90’S HAIRSTYLES OVER YOUR UGLY FACES YOU HAVE NOTHING,’ they continue.

‘FUCK YOU AND ALL YOUR MUMS AND DADS THAT PAY FOR YOU TO ‘DO THE BAND FULL TIME,

‘ALL YOUR DISGUSTING AFROBEAT SOUNDS, MIXED WITH YOUR COMEDIC MOCK AMERICAN SINGING MAKES ME HAVE GOOSEBUMPS AND LEAVES ME NERVOUS FROM CRINGING SO HARD,

‘YOU BECOME KNOWN TO THE MUSIC INDUSTRY HEADS DUE TO THE FACT THAT YOU ARE GIRLS OR HAVE GIRLS IN YOUR BAND,

‘YOU ARE THE TYPES OF PEOPLE WHO TAKE DRUGS YET HAVE NEVER MET A DRUG DEALER,

‘NOW YOUR ALL TRIPPY AND SPIRITUAL AND ALL THAT SHITE. WELL GO TO FUCKIN INDIA AND STAY THERE, YOUR DAD WILL HAVE TO BUY YOUR FLIGHT BACK WITHIN 5 MINUTES OF YOUR ARRIVAL,

IF YOU HAVE READ THIS TAKE NOTE.’

We could talk at length about the arguable hypocrisy of Eagulls calling out other bands for focusing on their look over their music, before themselves criticising other bands’ gender and class rather than the music they make. Or we might simply question their comments about women in music.

Maybe we would agree that the music business is an expensive place that might favour those from wealthy backgrounds. Or we might empathise with Eagulls’ claims about certain dodgy promoters who care more about the money they’re hoping to make from a gig.

And we could even question whether we’re all making a big fuss about nothing and that Eagulls are having a jolly good laugh at our expense…

But we thought it might be more fun and interesting to ask you what you reckon for once. Do they make some valid points? Are they simply resentful of other’s success? Are they trolling in epic fashion, trying to start their very own Banks vs Haze? Are you #teamgulls or #teamdisney?

Leave your comments underneath the full open letter below: