Interview Big Big Love: The Big Moon
Taking third album ‘Here Is Everything’ out on the road, we join The Big Moon for a rollercoaster of new motherhood, missing gear and much more besides.
After those initial attempts to record in a couple of weeks with a producer fell apart, the band took a big step back - Jules was focused on becoming a mother for the first time, and the rest of the quartet split off to do other jobs during the pandemic. “We were separated into these different planets for a while,” Jules says, “and were apart for so long. We had a bad experience in the studio first, and then I had the baby and it became even more shredded. We were all like, ‘Oh my god, what’s gonna happen?’ To come back together and recommit,” she adds, wistfully, “it’s like renewing our vows.”
“When we all met each other, it was kind of like magic,” Celia continues. “We’re all friends of friends - we didn’t grow up together or anything like that - and it felt like, ‘I’ve only just met these people and I really love them! And it worked! The band was taking off, we got a record deal… Amazing. This time though, it felt like… ‘Oh, I really want this. This is something special that we have, and it’s worth working out and fighting for’.”
And though Jules’ songwriting has become thornier and more complicated over time, ‘Here Is Everything’ ultimately comes from a similar place where hope eventually prevails, no matter how messy or intangible life can seem. Even as she processes her fears about parenthood on the record, the joys of seeing that first positive on a pregnancy test (‘2 Lines’) and meeting a new tiny person for the very first time (‘Wide Eyes’) trump every moment of uncertainty.
“For about half the album, all the songs are quite questioning, like: ‘What kind of parent am I going to be? Why am I bringing a child into this world? During a pandemic?! Like, what the hell am I doing?!’” Jules says. “Then the songs I wrote post-birth are these massive, exhausted, hormonal love songs! There is a massive release from that, and a big joy in that. These are love songs, but they’re also songs about starting to feel like myself again.”
In several songs on the record - especially ‘High and Low’ and ‘This Love’ - Jules’ vocal is exposed and ragged; you can hear the torn edges of her voice. Sticking with these raw recordings, taken from the earliest demos she recorded at home, feels most “honest”, she explains. “I recorded ‘Satellites’ when I had the worst morning sickness and felt like I was going to die. I feel like you can hear it in my voice; it’s a very unsure song.” On that track in particular, she rages at the carefree existence of her former childless self while hunched over the loo in a state of severe nausea.
Capturing these kinds of unglamourous moments and talking openly about the stigmas pressed upon new mothers felt important to Jules, who continually found herself seeking out other people’s stories when she was struggling. As well as pouring her experiences into the record itself, the musician recently wrote a candid newsletter expanding upon her difficulties as a new mum and the intense shame she felt at not being able to breastfeed. “I felt like a giant failure,” she wrote. “I remember feeling very disengaged from reality. Eventually I gave up, I formula fed, and I learned by myself that it was all bollocks and I didnt need to feel bad.”
“When I couldn’t breastfeed, or while I was pregnant, I just devoured other people’s stories of how they felt,” Jules says today. “I was on Mumsnet every night trying to work out how to use my nipples properly; I read every single thing about breastfeeding that was on the internet, and it feels important to me to add my story to that pile. I think it helps. We’ve had so many nice messages from people saying, ‘I’m going through this right now’.
“While you’re pregnant, you’re treated like royalty. You go to hospital every couple of weeks and everyone’s like, ‘Oh, have a seat!’ You get all these injections, and everyone’s constantly looking out for you,” she adds. “After you give birth, you get this one visit from a health visitor who comes around and sort of asks in this embarrassed way… ‘Are you OK?’”
Juggling parenthood with touring hasn’t always been easy, but returning back to live shows last summer after the uncertainty of the pandemic “felt really good,” Jules says. She explains that the main challenge comes in the shape of logistical planning, coupled with the fact there are few blueprints out there for parents in bands in terms of what to expect; men, notably, rarely get asked about how they find things. For Jules, the backing of her bandmates has helped no end. “It felt really good to bring baby backstage last festival season. You guys were all god-mothering, and I felt really supported. It was amazing.”
All three of Jules’ bandmates are god-mums to Mini Moon. “She’d been trying to ask us for days,” Soph laughs. As the band’s singer grew more and more nervous about her announcement, the rest of the group’s worries mounted; “We were like, is she going to leave the band?” Celia recalls in horror. Jules eventually popped the question at a big round table in Halifax. “It was like the meeting of the five families [from The Godfather],” Celia chuckles.
In a ceremonial passing of the baton, Pho - the band’s unofficial mascot, a toy puffer fish originally purchased at a service station - now belongs to Jules’ kid. “In the early days of Baby Moon, Pho met baby,” says Celia. “He has fulfilled his destiny as a soft toy and has become a child’s toy,” Jules says. “It’s sausagey and dirty. Like everything in my life, it’s a bit squished, a bit stained and bobbly.”
“Urgh, I’d love some pho,” declares Soph, wrapping things up. “There’s a place in the shopping centre!”
‘Here Is Everything’ is out now via Fiction.
As featured in the October 2022 issue of DIY, out now.
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