News A Date With… The Futureheads

Photo Credit: Emma Swann

After taking one of my favourite bands, Slow Club, bowling last issue, we thought we’d mix things up this time with a band I’m less well acquainted with. Perhaps I’m going to have to start a Match.com account for the mere purpose of the longevity of this column. It would probably read something like: ‘Occupation: Professional Musician Chaperone’, ‘Looking For: Bands and/or Artists to wine and dine’, ‘Specifications: 20k+ Likes on Facebook, 15k+ Twitter followers’.

Instead, word got round to us that The Futureheads were just up the road in Highbury doing a press day, so our inboxes were kept spam free from people pretending to be Rivers Cuomo. We thought, what better a way to give the band a time-out than by taking them for a pint in a nearby pub. Nothing can go wrong in a pub, right?

Well, that’s what you would think. But like karma clockwork, I still managed to put my foot in it. Entering the bar, with a ‘Home Fans Only’ sign hanging from the entrance, staunch Manchester United fan Ross catches a glimpse of an Arsenal scarf and gravely announces, “This hasn’t started well.” Just imagine if all dates began this way: the other half reels off every thought like a first-person audiobook. “I don’t like your shirt,” “What have you done to your hair?”, “You’re a lot shorter than your profile picture suggested.” It would be horrible.

But perhaps not all is lost, can love survive football divide? “I think if you can accept that your partner supports a rival team to you then you’ve gone through the worst of it,” Ross begins as he takes a sip of his drink. “You’ll be accepting of anything from there on.” If anything it would perhaps add to the pleasure; the forbidden fruit, each of you ravished by the thought of quite literally screwing your enemy. “Take that, Mourinho,” you should probably never say out loud however.

The food arrives and we settle down for lunch. If you’re looking to try and woo The Futureheads at home then you will need to purchase Dave a traditional fish and chips, Ross crudites and a Pepsi, Jaff an egg and cress sandwich on “posh bread” and Barry – ever the cheap date – just a beer. You may try to decipher what this says about each member and how it relates to their role in the band if you wish, but I’m probably not going to bother.

As the date comes to an end, conversation ventures on to the band’s worst first dates. The winner has to be Jaff, who tells of a story where he went home with an “art student” only in the morning to be awaken by the noise of said girl shaving her head. “One night with him and she’s ready to convert to being a Buddhist monk,” the others laugh. As we part ways, I’m relieved that nobody is rushing for the clippers whilst screaming “unclean, unclean!”, so I know I’ve done just enough not to top this.

The Futureheads’ new album ‘Rant’ will be released on 2nd April via Nul Records.

Taken from the April 2012 issue of DIY, available now. For more details click here.

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