News The Brits: Laughing At Idiots

The views below are entirely those of @JackMerlin . DIY accepts no responsibility for the vitriol that follows.

Archetypal hipsters rejoice! Put away those Japanoise B-Sides you’ve been raving about and bang on No Cars Go - everyone’s favourite Canadians are no longer too mainstream.

First the Grammys gave us the glorious backlash of endless ‘Who Is Arcade Fire?!’ tweets, now I’m proud to say us Brits have completely outperformed our American counterparts with even more ridiculous posts of undeniable stupidity.

Perhaps what makes our obnoxious tweets more interesting, is that people seem to be completely ignorant of any of Mumford and Sons’ influences. Or their producer, who produced a couple of albums called ‘Neon Bible’ and ‘The Suburbs’. You know what? I don’t even mind them that much. I don’t wanna go into the whole ‘I liked them before they were cool’ thing (that’s a lie, I bloody love doing that) but when I first heard the EP version of ‘Little Lion Man’, I thought they were really good. Their fans on the other hand are seemingly a bunch of 14 year old girls who, hurt by the lack of any real boy bands, clung on to the closest thing to one in the charts.

Yeah, because awful vintage shop waistcoats are so, umm, whatever isn’t ‘indie’ these days. Also, Marcus Mumford sort of looks like Nick Griffin if he tried to grow a moustache. At least Win Butler’s hair is god-awful in its own unique, almost charming way.

But it’s a decent comment, I suppose. I mean, it’s not like there’s been a massive folk scene coming out of London for the last five or six years.

Mumford and Sons = less than three. Fair enough. I’ve never read War & Peace. But it’s definitely a load of bollocks, because I know everything about things I know nothing about.

I can picture the award staff’s frantic attempts at a speedy turn-around pre-ceremony. ‘Wait, lozmeff, the one who loves Cheryl Cole, N-Dubz and JLS has NEVER heard of these bands? There’s no way we can give them a Brit now. We almost looked like total fools!’

Yes. Yes you are.

Careful now, people have been prosecuted for much less deserving posts than this. #twitterjoketrial

This trio of tweets amused me more than it ought to have:

Seriously? You’re letting Phillip Schofield dictate your opinions? A guy who once had a sidekick called Gordon the Gopher? Wow.

These artists are hardly underground - ‘Sigh No More’ has been in the UK album charts for 71 weeks. Arcade Fire pretty much sold out an arena tour of the UK. Laura Marling’s sleeping with one of the former, and Bono, give him half a chance, would probably sleep with all of the latter.

They are not unknowns. It just appears that a large number of people have absolutely no knowledge of music whatsoever. It’s like complaining that James Cameron’s ex-wife won more Oscars for The Hurt Locker than James Cameron did for Avatar (but only because The Hurt Locker ‘wasn’t even in 3D! What a rip off!’) or feeling cheated because some book-nerds preferred, well, just about anything to anything written by Dan Brown.

Call me a snob by all means, but this whole affair has been as guiltily satisfying as it is dully infuriating - a bit like watching Jeremy Kyle. I mean, you know you’re just laughing at people who are monumentally less intelligent than you, but it’s still really fucking hilarious.