News Tour Diary: Life In Film (Part Two)

Leeds, the 30th most populous city in the European union, and hometown to Countryfiles john craven, is perhaps one of the nicest cities we have been to so far. the traditional mooch around town did not disappoint, a vast array of nick nack and vintage shops abound and we managed to peruse them all without buying a single thing, result. Our hotel was situated right round the corner from the venue which was handy, plus the lane leading there reeked of piss (human this time) which was another box ticked. The venue itself was cool, built under train arches you could hear the trains rolling up above us every now and again, shaking the room and drowning out conversations. The gig went down well apart from the deathly silence that met my ‘how’s everyone doing’ comment, for which I hold network rail wholly responsible. The crowd seemed on good form though and we got some nice feedback. After the gig I made a quick exit and sneaked away to find some crap food to eat and got spotted by a leathered rifles fan who informed me of his desire to send his daughter to a catholic school; cheers for that one mate. I then headed home to watch tv and feast while the others headed to the bar for a few more until Micky came to bed for some platonic man cuddles. Next stop Newcastle.

Newcastle…
After the worst nights sleep ever me and Ed woke up at 7am to watch our interview on Channel 4. A bit more sleep then we hit the road to Newcastle. Tonight we played at the O2 Academy. It was our best performance of the tour so far and we went down a storm with the crowd. We hit the pubs afterwards which saw Dom receive a punch in the face whilst getting caught up in someone else’s barny. After a short pub crawl we made our way to the travelodge which was full of old rockers as Motörhead were playing in town the same day. Only had a short nights sleep as it’s a bit of a drive to Scotland, came downstairs to find various members of life in film and the rifles and the crew who all had similarly little sleep, some even slept in the hotel bar. Great night. Bring on Dunfermline.

Dunfermline…
Today brought us to chilly Dunfermline! Boom! ”touch down in the heart of a new city”! But not just any old city no no no, the historical original capital city of scotland, The very resting place of Robert the Bruce and William Wallace’s dear old mama! Sod Edinburgh, Dunfermline is King in my eyes. Clearly I visited the tourist centre on my daily mooch.
Whilst everyone else spent the day staring at the travel lodge walls and tossing off, I hit the town and got my exploring thang on. I found a beautiful old abbey and a tramps dog but weirdly no tramp? After walking around the city centre in about 10 mins (Dunfermline is very small) I headed back to the venue, on the way a group of pissed up old pricks screamed ‘oy ya wee jessie, Nice Jacket, come ere!!!’ head firmly down I marched on to the venue, P J Molloys to wait for the others to arrive.
After a very fast two strum sound check we scarperd to a local ‘posh’ resturant for a feed, as we had less than a hour till stage time we were forced to gobble down substandard ‘food’ giving us all swollen bellys, just perfect for a performance, all this whilst being stared at by a gormless waitress.
The show went very well but to start with we were met with hostile stares and a few ”Rifles’ chants but the lassies soon calmed down and joined in with the men bopping about.
as we were in scotland we thought it rude if we didn’t get completely trashed after the gig, we did, and had a great time dancing around with the locals. Hitting the van, we zooped back to our stink stained beds at the magical Lodge. Onwards to GLASGOW!!! Ya weee dobbers!!!

Glasgow…
I’m going to start with the end of the night as it rapidly increases in quality/enjoyment after (actually before) this point. We’re in a bar. A posh bar. After I decided the drinking brink had been reached I left. Trying for a cab failed miserably so I walked home to the hotel. South of the river in London is a no no due to the lack of places to go out. South of the river in Glasgow is a no no as if you cross that bridge the over bearing feeling that you aren’t going to make it home alive is very real. Best of all the others arrived home safely in a cab about 5 minutes after I got in! The day was fantastic, Glasgow is the most beautiful city I’ve ever visited. Saw the museum, the sights, ate twice in Gregg’s (sausage roll and a steak bake), and had a mooch to end all mooches. The show was cool but a little quiet as the room filled up slower than hoped, but we loved it anyway. Dom and myself went for dinner before the show which I was pleased to puke into my mouth and swallow again an hour later. The drive to Glasgow was gorgeous, the night was great fun, the travelodge is but for a few details identical to the others and I’m clocking a sleep deeper than the abyss (from the 1989 movie ‘the abyss’ staring of course Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio). Tomorrow is a day off and a drive to Birmingham. Night!x
ps. Spotted the difference with this travelodge room. The mirror is cracked, the shower is broken, the door doesn’t lock and there is a drunk man outside banging on windows and shouting.

Birmingham…
Tonight we played at the Birmingham O2 Academy. We drove down yesterday to stay at yes another travelodge but this one was delightfully situated in the middle of an estate where skinny jeans and Clarks shoes are something you see on the telly and laugh at, not in the street. We parked the vans 2 miles down the road! The traditional mooch round Birmingham saw us visit the Cathedral, Sam bought 3 wooly hats and Dom by the new George Harrison DVD which later made for some great viewing. The show was cool, a great reaction from the crowd. Too much to drink again and then bed. Bristol tomorrow but for now it’s back to the wire!

Bristol…
Today’s show has seen us play on a boat called Thekla. It’s smells very malty, it’s very cold but is kind of charming in its uniqueness. We had a walk yet again to the Cathedral which was a sight to see. We all ate burritos together and discussed the lady serving them. She was very cold and quite moody. Ordering a burrito isn’t that straight forward to a beginner. Which bean DO I want? I can’t decide. DO I want guacamole? DO I want cheese? Onions? Hot sauce? Though it seems basic in its concept and pretty much identical to Subway (TM) in its process, swapping sandwiches for sizzling wraps, we all felt a little panicked and naive. I then rushed mine and got heart burn. Some jived ‘Mick, whats the hurrito?’ which we were smuggly pleased with. The show was ok, a little malty as previously mentioned. The Rifles show was a little more raucous. Dom got up on the stage and played the tambourine and then Sam and Ed joined to make one big dancing family. After the show we drove around Bristol singing songs from Annie and Bugsy Malone in the van with a couple of the lads from The Rifles. We hit travelodge m4 services which as you can imagine is a small hub of artistic beauty and elegance, and went soundly off to sleep.

Portsmouth…
Following Bristol’s dibarcal on the boat we made our merry way to the port city of Portsmouth, ”its all gonna kick off in Portsmouth tonight” many people seemed to be saying and they were not telling porkies I can tell you!
(earlier in the day)
We arrived nice and early for the daily mooch and mooch we did (about 5 miles of it) after trying to sneak into the shipping yard to no avail we peeped at warships from a distance because we couldn’t afford the entrance fee, they look pretty old and Micky spouted out facts which were very interesting whilst we all shared a bag of seaside chips. on the way back to the venue we popped into the museum for a snoop and a pot of tea and the fabled ‘Winged Black Cock” (It’s a bird).
Back at the venue we sound checked then nipped next door for a meat filled Turkish supper which even though delicious turned out to be a bit of a belly ache on stage.
If I do say so myself we played a pretty cracking set and won the crowd over after about two hits.
During The Rifles set the prophecy came true! it did actually ‘kick off’, about 5 fights, 6 geezers thrown out and a stiletto stamped through a young ladies foot… gross. It was a great all round shindig!
Night over we piled into the tour van and made our beer soaked selves back to London for some hard core sleep action!

London…
It’s so nice to spend a day at home resting after such exhausting work. A day off in a travelodge just doesn’t quite match up. Been so excited all day to go and play the biggest show we’ve ever done 2350 people in one room. Sound check was all good and a few beers down we were ready to go on. An 8 song set that saw some new tracks for our London fans who were I’m pleased to say down the front singing along, thanks! What an experience, loved every second of it. The Rifles absolutely smashed it as usual, the fans love them and hang on there every word. We hang out at the after party for a little while and then have to say our goodbyes as we are leaving to play Stuttgart at 5am! We’ve had such an amazing time with everyone on tour. The Rifles are the soundest lads you could ever meet and we can’t wait to share a stage with them again! The Book Club who were also on the tour with us are great lads also, we had their album on repeat in the tour bus. Got to bed at 3am getting up at 4.30am urghhhh! What a night x

Stuttgart…
Waking up at 4.30am is grim, we left at 5am for Stanstead airport. When great people concentrate they can discover things like gravity and penicillin. When I concentrate I can stop myself from throwing up. I feel dreadful. The flight is quick and very comfortable. German Wings has so much leg room. Too much leg room? Possibly! I have a very troublesome mind sometimes which means I can’t decide if I prefer the confined or the spacious. German Wings has managed to achieve both which has left me in a situation that has no name. Similar to the car journey to the airport all of my brain power went into the task of not being sick. We were picked up from the airport by our German promoter and driven straight to our hotel where we caught up on some much needed sleep! The venue is a bar in town where we were treated to some serious back stage rider and a bag full of complementary sushi! After drinking slowly we played to a totally rammed bar full of life in film infused party animals. Dom smacked himself in the face with his bass and had blood running in his eye through most of the show. After the show we stayed for the night disco and bust some serious moves on the dance floor then we stumbled home to the hotel of dreams. It has a nautical theme with Germany has talent on the box. The next day we mooched around town waiting for our flight, we drank Gluhwein, we ate cured meats and we mooched some more!

Life In Film - The Idiot by Sainted PR