Interview total tommy: “Situations that are so painful at the time don’t last forever”

Laying the cards of her life fully on the table, Australia’s total tommy is injecting a slice of redemptive vulnerability into rock.

Words: Tilly Foulkes
Photos: Jamie MacMillan
28th November 2024

The bleak stretch of 2020 might have been a cage for most but for Jess Holt - otherwise known as total tommy - it seemed like the perfect time to uproot her whole life and move 430 miles away. Switching from the “grit and grime” of hometown Melbourne to Sydney, she found herself metamorphosing, writing in ways that were increasingly assertive and vulnerable. “I used to hide behind a lot of metaphors and worry like, ‘Oh man, what if my mum hears this?!’” she laughs over Zoom. “But now I just don’t care. I’m pretty scathing with my lyrics at the moment!”

We’re catching up around her debut full-length release ‘bruises’: a 12-track “indie-grunge” album that tackles everything from doomed romance to the anxiety of being just a bit TOO high. Long gone is the electro-pop of her previous project Essie Holt, replaced now with Garbage-inspired, thrashy guitars interlaced with ‘90s pop sensibilities. “I feel like such a different person to when I made those Essie songs,” she continues. “I went through a bunch of stuff that impacted me, like huge changes - I came out, I moved cities, I met my wife, and just everything is so different. Even looking back at those pictures of me I’m like, who is she?! All this life stuff’s just given me much thicker skin.”

total tommy on evolving towards her debut album 'bruises'

“All this life stuff’s just given me much thicker skin.”

Overhauling her life in such a way allowed total tommy to develop a confidence that oozes from ‘bruises’. Here, she owns her mistakes with self-assurance and forgiveness, admitting to the wrongdoings she’s committed as well as accepting those that have hurt her. “The album’s bruises are about the marks left on me and others,” she suggests. “Over the years I’ve realised I’ve hurt a lot of people, and hurt myself too. It’s about coming out the other side of that – being accountable but also understanding that those situations that were so painful at the time didn’t last forever. Bruises heal, you know.”

total tommy wrote these songs with a live audience in mind, wanting to inject her work with the adrenaline of rock music. This is an album meant to be heard as loudly as possible, lashing around in a music venue, screaming along to the lyrics. The set is so “high energy” that Holt’s had to commit to a new gym routine. “[I’m] running along on a treadmill; I don’t wanna lose my breath halfway through the jumping and singing, so now I’m just training hard for it!” she laughs.

What stands out is total tommy’s bracing honesty in examining herself and her actions. A confessional songwriter to the core, but without any hint of self-pity, on her debut Holt owns everything she’s done and radically forgives herself for it. Full of undeniable nerve and openness - plus some sonic big-hitters to boot, she’s a captivating new presence in the rock scene right now.

‘bruises’ is out 29th November via [PIAS].

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