Features The Beautiful Game: Miles Haughton, Theme Park - Arsenal FC

If you’re anything like DIY, you’ll have spent last week finely tuning your Fantasy Football team ready for the new season. Now, with all the major English and Scottish leagues underway, it’s time to take a balanced look at just what’s in store. We’ve asked a bunch of bands, artists and music industry types to let us know exactly what they expect from their team in 2011/2012. Anyone for a Bovril?

It could be dangerous to speak to a Gooner so soon after Cesc has made his shock, surprise, unexpected departure to Barcelona. Thankfully Theme Park’s Miles Haughton doesn’t want Arsene’s head on a stick.

Fans clamoured for us to buy a tall strong centre back. Some people talked of Christopher Samba. Not for me. I take pride in our shaky defence. I don’t want Souness or Hansen or Collymore to feel they have any part in our success. I don’t want them to feel their words influenced Arsene’s vision. It will only be a true victory if we defy their advice, if we win in a way which disgusts them and their principles. That’s why I like Koscielny. He smokes, he often runs too far forwards and the ball bounces over his head, but he’s an itch Hansen can’t scratch, dancing around the shadows of the MOTD studio as Alan sits on the couch, trying to focus.

No, the defence needs to stay as it is. If I had Arsene’s ear, I would however suggest a slight alteration to our attacking approach. Last season was like watching a medieval army laying siege to a big town. It was painstaking. I admired how transparent we were with our plans. There was no attempt to hide what was about to unfold. It was pure, almost honest. “Here we are, at the edge of your box. We will lay out our attack before you, for all to see, and if good enough, it will breach your defences”. And although to a certain extent I thought this attitude was cool, it didn’t always work. So I yearn for lighting fast attacks. Cavalry charges. I want to take them off-guard again. I think Arsene feels a similar way – Gervinhio, Miyaichi, Chamberlain, Ayew?!? Hazard!?!!!@fi++!

(People also spoke of “experience”. Blah to that. When I was 15, 29 looked old and leader-esque. Now aged 22, 29 isn’t a very impressive age. “Experience”, “leadership”, empty words standing between us and an understanding of more complex issues.)

What I’d really like is for Arsenal fans to be happier. Gary Neville wrote a really nice piece in the Daily Mail about why Arsene deserves our support, and I was shocked that these words of sense had come from Gary Neville, and also at how simple the economic argument he put forward actually was. So I hope that Arsenal fans don’t boo. The guy next to me used to first shout, and then bend forward and put his head in his hands upon seeing Bendtner begin his warmup. “No, no!” he’d bellow, and gesture as if to push Nicklas back towards the bench. Unnecessary negativity.

Anyway that’s what I’d like from this season. I think the league will be between us and Man City, with Cardiff and Huddersfield or Charlton winning their respective leagues. Anyhow, have a nice season fellow fans! Off to check Newsnow to see if we’ve brought Marvin Martin!