Features The Beautiful Game: Jack Cooper, Mazes - Blackpool

I have this whole speech prepared for when someone asks me what football team I support. ‘Blackpool’ I reply ‘but when I was a kid Blackpool were in the old fourth division, so I support Man United as well’. I’m what people in the nineties used to call a United glory supporter. I’m what Liverpool fans called a glory supporter, which is what they were called in the eighties.

United have never made me cry though. United lose in the Champions League final and I’m just annoyed. Blackpool just walk out on the pitch and I’m in tears. I spent last season’s unsuccessful play-off final against West Ham violently swinging from jubilation to despair to nostalgic rants about Dave Bamber and Tony Cunningham.

I’ve never met a United player despite having lived in Manchester for ten years. I have met a lot of Blackpool players though. Jimmy Armfield; Blackpool’s greatest ever player presented me with a trophy at school. Dave Bamber (my favourite) lived round the corner from me when I was a teenager. He was retired but would occasionally come and have a kick about with us. Relationships soured when I skated out in front of him one time and he called me a ‘little wanker’. I once posted a sausage through Paul Stewart’s letterbox. Not a euphemism.

The inspirational humility of our Olympic medal winners has highlighted the massive gulf between the fans and Premier League footballers, but Blackpool has always seemed accessible.

I’m psyched about this season though. Our brief dalliance with the Premier League taught Blackpool a lot and with Ian Holloway’s tactical nous I have a good feeling about going up again. Our team of disciplined journeymen and youthful talent stand us in good stead (man, I’m talking in football code). One to watch would be my friend’s little brother Thomas Barkuizen and Scottish international Matty Phillips. Obviously there are gripes, the owner is a completely reprehensible human being but I prefer to look on the bright side. Tower Power!