Twit-twooo! Ezra Koenig: The Ultimate Indie Dreamboat

One dreamboat to rule them all - the title goes to you, Mr New Dorp, New York.

Words: El Hunt
13th February 2015

Here at DIY we’ve got a longstanding tradition that we take very seriously indeed: Indie Dreamboat of the Month. Every issue a new sweet prince is crowned and grilled on everything from colognes to childhood pets. Historically men haven’t had to endure that much everyday objectification, so really, it seems only fair to even things up a bit. Also, we just really enjoy marveling at indie’s finest chiseled jaws and quick-witted Q&A responses.

Harry Koisser from Peace famously told us about his trusty forest green trousers for his official Dreamboat appointment, while Wild Beast’s Hayden Thorpe flustered everyone with all his talk of smelling lilies and fresh coffee. Joff Oddie from Wolf Alice whipped his top off and declared his deep affection for Richard Curtis’ hit rom-com Love Actually, and Fatty Head Dave (better known as Dave Bayley from Glass Animals) invited us for seductive sushi. Back in the day Swim Deep’s own Cav McCarthy posed for us in a Gryffindor-hued dressing gown and told us his favourite Star Wars-related compliment, yodalicious. And look at him now. He’s a proper catwalk model and everything.

The months may flutter by like tender kisses blown by DIY back-page pin-ups past, but there can only be one true king, one Ultimate Indie Dreamboat to rule them all. It takes, grit, wit, and a permanent cows-lick, and there is but one man truly worthy. Ezra Koenig.

He’ll probably fuss and wave his well-moisturised hands around, and say “oh no, guys, no. Don’t say that, you’re too nice.” He’ll probably turn a bit pink, and hand us a chilled glass of freshly-made artisan Horchata, before offering us his giant cashmere scarf to stave off the cold. But the decision is made. The title goes to you, Mr New Dorp, New York, and here’s why:

He’s sassy and he ain’t afraid to show it

ur battleship? I just sank it / scarf as big as a blanket

A photo posted by Ezra Koenig (@arze) on Dec 22, 2014 at 8:55am PST

A man of supremely good taste, Ezra Koenig has a keen eye for knitwear, and he isn’t afraid to leap to its defense in the face of ignorant criticism. When some total wallies accused Ezra of commiting a fashion faux-pas and wearing a shawl, he was quick to respond. “Ur scarf’s looking like bootay / my scarf’s as big as a duvet” he quipped, sassily. Unfurling his cashmere neck attire, and showing it off like the majestic dry-clean only cape that it deserves to be, he silenced his haters in one arch take-down.

His yearbook page is incredible

While most of us were still schlundering around our respective schools in a bottomless ocean of dodgy hair cuts and questionable life choices, Ezra Koenig was already at the top of his game, busy inventing his own new words and quoting The Beach Boys. He also wore a very snazzy geometric tie to school, if his yearbook photograph is anything to go by.

A Christmas angel among men

Back when we compiled our Christmas gift guide, dear readers, there was one item that took the Christmas biscuit when it came to sheer popularity. Behold and covet the Ezra Koenig wreath - the most beautiful festive item to be invented since the yule log. Imagine his face (multiplied by 14) festooning your front door, and welcoming visitors to your home with a knowing smile. There is truly no greater gift. Sadly out of production at the moment (probably due to overwhelming demand), here’s hoping that next Christmas brings a new wave of Koenig-themed decorations in its wake.

He does what he wants

Musically he’s best known for fronting Vampire Weekend and getting irate about correct oxford comma use (we give a fuck, Ezra, honest!). Lately, though, Ezra Koenig has been throwing all caution to the wind and has been getting involved in all sorts of other creative projects across all genres. He’s responsible for those gargoyles gargling oil on SBTRKT’s ‘New Dorp, New York,’ and he also rapped on a remix of ‘Down 4 So Long’ by Atlantan musician iLoveMakonnen, appearing alongside underground rapper Despot. Despot previously appeared with Danny Brown and Heems on a Wintertime remix of Vampire Weekend’s ‘Steps’, and returning the favour, Ezra brings lines like “other countries leave me feeling weird like afternoon naps,” to a bizarre, and weirdly cute remix.

He’ll serenade you on gloomy Sundays

Ezra Koenig’s Vine account is an extraordinary corner of the internet; a finely curated selection of artistic moving images that somehow seem incredibly poetic and meaningful. Probably because they’ve got his face in them. Honestly, it’s an impossible dilemma to choose a favourite. This rendition of ‘Mirrors’ by Justin Timberlake (above) might just take the lead for sheer heartthrob factor, with Gloomy Sunday, below, in a close second.

His selfies are a contemporary art form

“Selfy has replaced selfie,” wrote Ezra on his Twitter. “Can’t stand “selfie.” “selfie” look like the name of a victorian pickpocket or a dog. selfy much more elegant.” And let it be said, his self-portraits are the epitome of elegance and innovation. In a world that tells us otherwise, he encourages us to hold our heads high, and our selfy-sticks proudly aloft. “I think that anybody who’s anti-selfy is really just a hater, he added, talking to Rolling Stone in 2013. “I don’t need to see a picture of the sky, the trees, plants. There’s only one you.”

One football team is not enough for Ezra Koenig

Once again giving absolutely no shits, Ezra Koenig announced this year’s Grammy nominees for Best Alternative Music Album while wearing a Manchester City football shirt. His decision caused football fans and Ezra enthusiasts worldwide to have a minor meltdown, but as it goes, he doesn’t support City. Ezra decided to dress up as Joey Barton for Halloween this year, and wore his QPR away shirt. He also owns a Brazil shirt with his own name on the back; a prized possession. Ezra’s previously been on Football Focus with his bandmate Chris Tomson, as well, characteristically sharing the love with several teams. He backed Tottenham Hotspur, Queens Park Rangers, and most controversially, Vampire Weekend claimed that Wigan Athletic would thrash Arsenal 8 nil. They didn’t, but bless Ezra for believing in them anyway.

To keep up with the rest of DIY’s Indie Dreamboats, pick up a copy of our magazine, or read online.

Tags: Vampire Weekend, Features