DIY it's Christmas time Stocking Killers: Ranking The Killers’ Christmas songs

A proper festive ditty has to be more uplifting than Hulk Hogan pumping iron while singing power-ballads, and 2012’s ‘I Feel It In My Bones’ fails in that department. It’s a brooding mixture of choppy power chords and pounding bass; with a beginning that manages to sound less ‘Deck the Halls’ and more ‘Living on a Prayer’. Unlike the latter, however, the fist-pumping/life-defining chorus is replaced by something much darker. It’s definitely still worth a listen, though, for ex-tour manager Ryan Pardey’s return and some neat fretwork from guitarist Dave Keunig.

The third Noel number released by the American indie-rockers was ‘Joseph, Better You Than Me’, featuring Elton John and Pet Shop boy Neil Tennant. It’s certainly got a message central to Christmas – looking at the public attention of Joseph after Jesus’ birth – but Elton John unfortunately renders it cheesier than Alex James’ larder due to an abundance of wailing. Brandon Flowers’ vocals are a variety-box of ear-candy, though.

OK, so this one is certainly upbeat; it’s more chirpy than a robin force-fed mulled wine. It’s also intensely catchy, with a barn-dance structure and lyrics based on William Lawrence Chittenden’s 1890 poem of the same name. Like any present-professional will know, they’ve saved the best bit to last; the track ends with a lovely little sleighbell bridge to warm your cockles.

If Midnight Mass was celebrated in stadiums instead of churches, it would probably sound a little like this. Country vocals from Californian folk-rockers Dawes are folded into fingerpicking American guitar, before ending with a ‘White Christmas’ reprise; resulting in something as sweet and homely as a homemade gingerbread house. It follows the story of a melancholy actor (played by Owen Wilson) alone in L.A. during the festive period, and is so quaint that you can almost smell the roasting chestnuts (over your Dad’s burning turkey).

Featuring Curve singer Toni Halliday on backing vocals, 2006’s ‘A Great Big Sled’ was the track that kicked the whole tradition off, and sounds like it could easily be a cut from ‘Sam’s Town’ (also released in 2006). Twinkly synths? Check. Anthemic chorus? Check. Lullaby outro? Check. Plus a dirt-cheap ‘Happy Hallidays’ pun can be squeezed out of it. Happy Hallidays.

Featuring adorable papier-mâché animation, messages of love (‘Let’s turn your pain and anger / into something that shines bright’) and fantastic Christmas jumpers; this one is a real tearjerker. It also uses Pachabel’s canon together with a sack-ful of twinkly melodies over lyrics about climate change and importance of good-deeds to brilliant festive effect. The ending will make you want to hunt down Santa and give him a massive stomach-crushing hug.

For those who like their horseradish sauce extra-hot, ‘Don’t Shoot Me Santa’s edgy tale of a boy (played by Brandon Flowers) being abducted by a sadistic St. Nick (Ryan Pardey) may well be up their street. Also, the tongue-in-cheek lyrics are as bright as the Christmas Star, so wise men will be giving this one a listen in between watching past Royal Institution Christmas Lectures and calculating the exact trajectory of Santa’s sleigh.

Spicier than two mother-in-laws competing to make the best mince pies, 2009’s tune is a Mexican-infused festive treat. Once again, Brandon Flowers’ vocals are top-notch and the chorus is a belter for the Holiday season, with a fantastic accompanying video featuring 90210 actor Luke Perry. It does lose some points, however, due to the grueling quest of trying to find an upside down exclamation mark on Word.

Now onto the star at the top of the tree. ‘Boots’ is one heck of a slippers and pipe tearjerker that sees Brandon Flowers crooning: ‘Family all together / presents piled high / frost on all the windows / what a wonderful night’. It’s delicate and poignant - mixing echoey guitar with the sad-happiness blend that’s so hard to pull-off - and is the musical equivalent of a hot cup of cocoa; warming and sweet. One listen to it and all Scrooge-like tendencies will be stomped out.

So, there we have it. With a glass of mulled wine in one hand, and a Christmas cracker in the other; “Cheers, The Killers!” Here’s to nine more: [clink/crack/”Not another pair of tweezers” etc…]

Tags: The Killers, Features